The Savoring No. 029 - Happy Pride, Happy Cows & A Straw Bag That's Too Good To Walk By Thrice

"But what if you took the time to know 'who we are'?" she asked.

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Happy Pride month everyone! 🏳️‍🌈

“How can people change their minds about us if they don't know who we are?” – Harvey Milk

Don’t know anyone gay? Let me introduce you to my son.

A few things to know about him. He’s a kind soul. He’s smart AF. He has an incredible sense of humor. He is driven to make this planet a better place. His writing is breathtaking. He loves his dog and his family (sometimes in that order). He stands up for everyone’s rights and loves politics.

Some people don’t know enough gay people to understand that the only thing wrong with being gay is the people who judge them.

I used to be one of those people and I think it’s important to share my story.

I was raised in Indiana in the 70s and 80s. No one was “out” back then and therefore I had no exposure to gay people and I judged the idea of being gay because everyone around me did and kids do what they are taught by example to do. The people around me, also ignorant due to a lack of knowing anyone gay, set a bad example and history continued to repeat itself. Until it didn’t.

In 2002 my then-boyfriend-now husband, who grew up in Texas (twinsies on the above paragraph) and I were entertaining my brother who was in town from Colorado. He asked if one of his friends that he’d met in Colorado, but now lived in San Diego, could swing by for a drink.

My brother, like me, bolted out of Indiana as soon as he was capable. He chose Colorado, I chose California. He worked in the restaurant industry and met many gay people. To him, they were no longer gay people, simply friends.

“Of course,” I said.

“He’s gay,” he said, knowing I needed a warning.

Not because I would be unkind, but because my brother saw in me what I didn’t see in myself. I might have been "okay with gay people” by this time in my life, but I wasn’t truly comfortable with the idea and I still didn’t understand. He knew I needed to be prepped so as not to make it uncomfortable for myself and ultimately our guest.

We had a wonderful time. His friend quickly became one of my most favorite people. He didn’t stay for one drink, he stayed for hours. I wanted to spend more time with him. Hell, I wanted him to move in and be my forever friend.

He told amazing stories, made us laugh and when it was time for him to leave, I was sad to see him go.

After we said our goodbyes, JJ went to bed and my brother and I went out back by the fire pit for one last drink together. I said compassionately to my brother, “It hurts me to think of the way people treat him. I just don’t understand why anyone would choose to be gay knowing how awful people are going to be to them.”

My brother stared at me with a look of disgust on his face I’d never seen before. I was his older, savvy, California living, enlightened sister. I was the sister he looked up to. Until this moment, when I wasn’t.

After an uncomfortably long staring, nonblinking, silence, he finally said in a not quiet, not kind voice, “He doesn’t CHOOSE to be gay. He was born gay.”

I was horrified. And beyond ashamed and embarrassed. Because as the words came out of his mouth it was suddenly so obvious and my words felt so ignorant.

I truly had never, not once in my entire, life stopped to think about the idea that someone was born gay. Not ever. It wasn’t even a thought. I didn’t even think to think about it.

I was so brainwashed by the beliefs of where and how I was raised, that it never occurred to me to think anything different, just like it had never occurred to my parents and grandparents.

Until, I spent time with my borther’s friend, and I got to know, as Harvey Milk said, “who we are”. Humans. Just like you and me.

How very lucky I feel to have had that moment. To have broken the cycle with my own children. And to now proudly be raising the most wonderful gay son.

Want to make a difference? You might consider sharing this story, or posting something in your own social media or talking with your family or embracing someone you know is part of the LGBTQ community. Every little effort makes a difference for my son and anyone else in the LGBTQ community who just wants to be treated with the same respect and rights you and I have.

001. This Tinted Lip Oil
I am crazy for this lip gloss by Typology. It’s hydrating and it isn’t stickly. I have it in pastel pink and luminous glow.

002. This Straw Bag
All of my bags are leather. My work bag, all of my purses and clutches. I had nothing that was summery. I was in Nordstrom this week when I walked by this bag. I walked by it on my way to the shoe department. Then I walked by it a second time on my way out into the mall. To get back to my car I had to walk by it a third time and this the pull was too strong. I tested it out but looking through it, then “trying it on” in the mirror. Then I got out my credit card. I knew it was going home with me the moment I saw it. I just played the game to feel like I’d earned it.

003. This Girl Who Gets No Internet Love
Most of you probably don’t even know I have a dog other than Otis. This is Lola. We loved her long before we met Otis. She is pure joy.

004. This Moooooooment
Sometimes my work life provides me some pretty cool moments. This was one of them.

005. This Kind Catcher
I try and not kill bugs in my house. I REALLY want to humanely catch them and take them outside. But sometimes they are creepy AF and there isn’t enough toilet paper on the planet to create enough distance between me and them. This bug catcher helps me spare a life and keep some space. (And I’m only slightly insulted that it’s marketed for kids.)

006. This Breezy Summer Playlist
I put together this lazy days of summer playlist. I think you might enjoy it.

007. This Ice Cream Recipe
It’s ice cream season and I LOVE to make homemade ice cream. It’s so easy. << That’s a lie. It’s not easy. But it’s not hard either. It just requires a couple of hours of your time and some focus.

008. This Clean Summer Cleanser & Eye Cream
I am pretty sure I’ve talked about this before but this Ilia foaming cleanser is like washing your face with a puffy cloud. I also love their eye cream. It feels amazing, moisturizes and the applicator allows you to massage your eyes while applying. Did I mention both products are clean products?

009. This Empty Nest
For those of you following along, we had eggs, then babies and now we are empty nesters.

010. These Raindrops

We have had some crappy weather. It’s that time of year here in San Diego. I know everyone thinks we have perfect weather here 365 days. We don’t. We just don’t have harsh winters. Some of our worst weather is May and June. We call it May Gray and June Gloom. It’s gray, not warm and drizzly most days. It has something to do with the inland warmth and the cool water temperatures.

So, here’s my PSA, do not waste your hard earned travel dollars coming here for a summer vacation until mid-July or beyond.

We took this video on the drive back from our inland property last week. From sun to coastal gloom.

Even the clouds and drizzle offer something to savor. Like fires still in my fireplace in June and these beautiful raindrops in my garden that are being held gently by my newly planted nasturtium.

Okay friends, that’s it for now. If you want to follow me @stefaniemullen, I’d love it. I share more of my daily design, gardening and cooking there in stories.

As always, I would love to hear from you. You know, as long as you have something nice or constructive to say. You can drop me a DM or let me know by tapping that comment button below.

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All products mentioned above are independently chosen, I love them and some of them might also be affiliate links. Your support is ALWAYS appreciated. - Stefanie